I Like My Burgers Without Oven Cleaner

“Today we’re going to beat our record with a 350-pound burger.”

I turned on the local news last night to catch the weather forecast – and there was a three foot tall hamburger staring back at me.

It sells for $2,000.

“It’ll have 20 pounds of cheese, 15 pounds of tomatoes, and 10 pounds of bacon. And it comes with a free drink.”

I chuckled at that. But all I could think of looking at the reporter and the restaurant owner was, if you only knew what was in all that commercial burger meat, you might be amazed for a different reason…

What Is That Pink Stuff?

I didn’t even get a chance to put my briefcase down at my desk.

My researcher K.D. just about ran into my office.

“Dr. Sears, do I have a story for you!”

K.D. doesn’t ever get excited, so I was kind of curious. “What happened?”

“Well, I went to Maine for my vacation this summer because my family lives up there. My cousin lives near Acadia National Park. Just down the road there’s a family that has an organic farm.

“Every year, they have a big party. Like a farm-to-table kind of thing. They raise money for charity and have a big tent for the dinner. My cousin’s never been able to go because she’s never had anyone to go with. So I drove over and we went to the party.

“Before the dinner they have a tour, and show you where all the crops come from, and all that. They raise cows there, too. Some are for milking and some are for … you know … eating.

“Before the tour they ask you if you want chicken of beef for dinner. I would usually have the chicken. But I thought, what the heck, I’ll try the beef …”

Atkins Without Beef…What’s Next?

Have you heard about this “Eco-Atkins Diet” that a bunch of researchers dreamed up to please vegetarians?

Dr. Atkins must be rolling over in his grave.

These veggie-wackos want a diet that offers “Atkins without animal fat.” They call it, “Eco-Atkins.”

Holy cow!

The Atkins Diet is all about eating animal protein. So how do you eat a high-protein diet without animal fat? Turns out we’re supposed to bulk up on soy burgers and wake up to the smell of vegetarian bacon – whatever that is!